Monthly Archives: February 2008

A Long and Happy Life

It’s in our Constitution, but apparently not in our stars: happiness, that is. Perhaps the problem is that we confuse pursuit with the thing pursued, and possibly, we enjoy it far more: the excitement of the chase, the adrenalin rush of competition, the thrill of overcoming obstacles. They make us feel good.

Happiness, notoriously difficult to define (Bartleby’s offers over 500 quotes on the subject), pales by comparison. In any case, we are, according to a new study by Leicester University in England (see 60 Minutes), failing miserably in the happiness race. For all our material wealth and power in the world, we are ranked #23 in happiness, well behind Canada and Costa Rica. Bhutan’s national goal may be the Gross Domestic Happiness of its citizens, but Denmark ranks #1.

Interestingly, what four young Danes interviewed in the segment describe as happiness sounds less like pleasure, joy, exhilaration, bliss — to cite typical synonyms — and more like contentment, a sense of security in their daily lives (free health care and education, very low crime rate), and not giving a damn about the Joneses. We might take a page from their book and try curbing our expectations.

If advertising messages tell us anything about ourselves, you might draw the conclusion that happiness is having more, bigger, better, newer stuff. Happiness might sell, but apparently we’re not buying it. Diet books, foods and advice are big business, too, yet we have an epidemic of obesity.

Are we stuck with this unhappy state of affairs? Apparently not. According to the positive psychology movement, happiness can be learned. Gratitude, grit, optimism and the ability to forgive are among the aspects we need to cultivate, according to the work of Dr. Martin Seligman, founder of the movement. Apparently, older people have absorbed the lessons and generally describe themselves as happier than younger folk, according to research reported in MarketWatch article by Andrea Coombes: “Among U.S. respondents, 89% of those in their 70s and 87% of those in their 60s said they were happy most of the time in the previous week versus 78% of those in their 40s.” Now that’s something to celebrate.

Here’s some other things to ponder or pursue:

Doing good is the greatest happiness. (Chinese proverb)

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman—or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle. (George Burns)

Happiness is a by-product. You cannot pursue it by itself. (Sam Levenson)

Happiness is a clutter-free environment: http://unclutterer.com/

Happiness is a project, that is Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project 

The only true happiness comes from squandering ourselves for a purpose.  (William Cowper)

 

“They take Medicaid, they’re near my house and they have an opening.”

Criteria for choosing a nursing home for a father suffering the symptoms of dementia? Apparently so, for John and Wendy (Philip Seymour Hoffman and Laura Linney), two estranged and deeply competitive siblings, brought together by a problem that is, or should be, front of mind for anyone with an elder in the family or who hopes to be one some day. Heartbreaking, gritty and beautifully acted (Linney is an Academy Award nominee for her role) Savages, is right on target in depicting the bleak landscape of a typical nursing home, complete with screwball and futile attempts at gaiety, i.e. the changing, nursery-school seasonal motifs, as well as the explosive pressure and the wacky behavior it generates.

Item: in her own when-the-going-gets-tough-the-tough-go-shopping moment, Wendy attempts to make the barracks-like accommodation more homey for Dad (Philip Bosco). We see her hanging sheer curtains to hide the institutional blinds, plumping up the pillows, and plugging in a lava lamp as a final touch. Not long after, when she finds a cushion she had bought for her father in the firm grip of another resident, she snatches it away while the elderly woman wails. Gut-wrenching.

The film is also a reminder that housing our elders — and one day, ourselves — should the ability to perform many tasks of daily life become too difficult, is a challenge for an entire family, and for the larger community. Except in the most extreme circumstances that demand 24/7 care, there are better, less expensive alternatives to a nursing home (recent figure for South Florida: $5,000/month). It comes as no surprise that most older people want to live as independently as possible in surroundings that are familiar — who wouldn’t? So it is encouraging to find models like the concierge program in Boston’s Beacon Hill Village beginning to proliferate in other cities. The program gives subscribers age 50 and older who live in the neighborhood, access to an array of services for a fee, everything from cleaning and shopping assistance, to car service for a doctor’s appointment or night on the town.

For lower income elders living in subsidized housing, needed services at reasonable cost are available through a program created in South Florida by 2006 Purpose Prize winner, Conchy Bretos. It is in demand nationwide. After she appeared on the Today Show, Ms. Bretos, an experienced lobbyist, activist and executive administrator of special population programs, returned to her desk to find her in-box jammed with over 3,000 email messages.

The Eden Alternative, founded in 1991 by Dr. William Thomas, a Harvard-educated physician and geriatrician, focuses on de-institutionalizing the culture and environment of today’s nursing homes and other long term care institutions. To date, it has trained over 15,000 Eden Associates and now claims over 300 registered homes, in the U.S., Canada, and Australia.

Savages has been called a black comedy. We see it as a wake up call. The long term care insurance that is being marketed relentlessly to older Americans is only as good as the facilities and staff available. We need fresh, innovative thinking sooner rather than later. We need activism.

Sole Proprietor

If having your own business has been a lifelong dream, chances are you will start out as — and possibly remain — a sole proprietor. Legally, a “proprietorship essentially means a person does business in his or her own name and there is only one owner,” according to Wikipedia’s definition. These days the slightly antique IRS category of sole proprietor could includes everyone from the 50-something employee-turned-consultant, to a life or career coach, freelance commercial writer, motivational speaker, cruise ship lecturer, professional organizer, yoga instructor, or massage therapist, to name a few popular late life career choices. There are some distinct advantages to running your own business, tax-savings and the speed with which you can make decisions and respond to opportunity perhaps the most obvious. Anyone with a good idea can get into business at minimal cost. About $5,000 is typical to set up with the basic tools for a home-based enterprise.

Yes, small can be beautiful, and it appears may become the encore career of choice for many. In Free Agent Nation: How America’s New Independent Workers Are Transforming the Way We Live, Dan Pink predicted an explosion in independent contract workers, soloists and owners of microbusiness, a trend he believes is already reworking work itself. One example in our area of South Florida (more retirement central than a hotbed of entrepreneurial spirit) Kinko’s is open 24/7.

To be a successful soloist, you have to be self-sufficient and comfortable wearing many hats. It also helps to know yourself well enough to know what you don’t know, and what, when and where to outsource, in effect, building your own team of specialist/ sub-contractors. After all, being small in size doesn’t mean you can’t have big ideas. Luckily, there are any number of excellent resources so that you don’t have to go it alone. And many of them market themselves by giving away tons of free, valuable advice (take note). Here are three of our favorites, all small business owners themselves:

  • Terri Lonier’s Working Solo is a must read. See Terri’s excellent piece on Networking for the Terminally Shy.
  • Our former neighbor and friend, Ilise Benun’s excellent Marketing Mentor is another resource that belongs in your toolbox. Ilise is also the author of The Art of Self-Promotion.
  • For guerrilla publicity that really works, Joan Stewart’s Publicity Hound will inspire you to get going. Sign up for her free newsletter. Just say we sent you.