Author Archives: marika@2young2retire.com

Reflections on a Sobering Day

We are visiting family in another part of the country and having a lively conversation about David Eagleman, the neuroscientist, and how a childhood accident left him with an insatiable curiosity about Time.  Eagleman had fallen off a roof and survived, sans most of the cartilege in his nose, but having experienced during the fall a slowing down of time that would shape who he was and would become.  Many accident victims report something similar, and the suggestion is that time is perhaps far more malleable than we suppose, or perhaps it is just our perception of time that is squishy, or possible there is no difference between time itself and how we perceive it.

Before long, the older people around our brunch table were inevitably drawn to memories of 9/11, the day we Americans got a horrific reminder we were not invulnerable from the violence that many other people around the world live with on a daily basis.   This conversation seemed oddly related to the previous one in my mind, because it has become almost cliche to note that time also stood still for many of us on that September morning.  We remember with astounding clarity where we were when we first learned of the attack.  Some were watching their favorite morning talk shows, others were at work, others were away from home (like us) on vacation.  We remember who we were with, who notified us, and when we got the news, exactly the moment we became fused into one nation, watching the horror unfold — like exceptionally well-done special effects, noted someone — then repeated and repeated throughout the morning in what has since become a media tic.

What I recalled of that time, with something of a sinking feeling, was how quickly the event itself — once we became exhausted by those awful first images — got lost in translation as we attempted to got understand how this could possibly have happened to us.   Why do They hate us?  we wanted to know.  Who could have foreseen the macabre celebrity many indulged in, claiming a relation or friend or friend of a friend among those who perished.  Six degrees of separation bringing us all together first in a sense of national unity rarely seen since, then swiftly dissipating into something less admirable.

I wonder how many of the families of 9/11 really want this annual reliving of their terrible losses, culminating in this anniversary?  Are they eager to revisit the moment when, like for victims of an accident, time literally stood still.  And after which, they would feel themselves permanently changed.  There are a few among the families of those who died willing to say they are exhausted by the annual rituals of mourning.  How courageous they are to declare what many of us are thinking: Enough.

There were children at our table today, listening quietly.  After awhile, a 13 year old echoed this:  Wasn’t it time to move on, he asked us, his elders.  If we keep on reliving this every year, the terrorists will have won.  Something to ponder on this sobering anniversary.

Maturity is…

realizing that the brilliant thought is probably not original but feeling good about having thought it anyway.

OK, who said that?  I found it in my iPhone Notes along with poems I like, poem fragments that might grow up some day, reservation numbers, addresses of hot restaurants, and notes to self about this and that (mostly that).  I put it in  my Commonplace Book.  If you don’t have one of these notebooks that contain scraps of wisdom you encounter and hope to remember and maybe even USE, what are you waiting for?

I’ve Googled this quote and nada.  I know it isn’t original with me.  Well, never mind.  How about you take a turn here and send in some thoughts about what maturity means to you.  Use the comment box below and have at it.  All will get automatically published and maybe we’ll dream up some way of acknowledging the quote we deem the best.

Yo, Elder Bloggers! Here Comes Blogstream

If you haven’t already discovered it, check out Dr. Bill Thomas’s new idea: http://changingaging.org/ A way to get your blog out to the public as part of a ‘blogstream,’  and improve the chance of going viral with a post or idea that you feel strongly about.  That’s the only reason you would blog anyway.  Most of us, Pioneer Woman — Martha Stewart on the range — notwithstanding, don’t make a living from a blog.  Even if you’re passionate about your subject, getting started as a blogger is the easy part.  Sustaining the effort at the same high caliber may not be.  Even Seth Godin who sends stuff out every day, isn’t brilliant 100 per cent of the time (but 95 per cent ain’t bad).

If you have an idea for blogging to the mature age group, I encourage you to sign up for the Changing Aging blogstream and see what other savvy older adults have to say about a wide range of subjects.  And just for good measure, here are a few of my favorite blogs in no particular order.  Why they make the cut will be self-evident: idiosyncratic (good) and with content is both informative and fun to read (even better).  Most posts are short, or if not, at least the germ of the piece is in the lead, so you know right away if it’s your cup of chai.  Enough said:

  • SquawFox Frugal fun from a young, savvy Canadian
  • Green Skeptic My friend, Scott Edward Anderson’s enlightening (pun intended) blog
  • Zen Habits Beautiful design and thoughtful prose on slowing down.
  • Six Word Memoirs Not strictly speaking a blog, but inspiring the way a blog can be.  Try writing your own Six Word biography.
  • Slow Food USA How to slow down and savor the flavor.
  • Poetry Blogs A doorway to all things poetry

It’s Not That Easy Being Gray

(After It’s Not Easy Being Green, The Muppets)

It’s not that easy being gray,
hair the color of Spanish moss
hanging from the banyans,
absent the silky shine of children,
photographers’ models,
impeccably groomed socialites

It’s not that easy being gray,
hair the texture of wire
springing away from the scalp,
shocked at its own existence,
like it has lost its way
and doesn’t know where to roam.

Gray is hormone-sapped split ends,
dread-locks framing a lived-in face.
People tend to pass you over
‘cause you remind them
of things they would rather forget.

But gray’s the color of clouds before rain,
and gray can feel cool and friendly, like
a ball bearing that broke loose and rolled
free, far from home.  And gray’s what you get
if you’re lucky enough to live that long, and I think
gray is what I want to be.

Launching a Business

Thanks to a link provided by schoolteacher who has been using material from 2young2retire.com in her charter school classroom, we decided to update our page for entrepreneurs.  Here it is:

You may always have dreamed of being your own boss, or you may find yourself driven by an economic climate that opens new doors even while it closes others.   Whatever the motivation, welcome to the club.  You are in excellent company.  While young entrepreneurs tend to be the darlings of the media, the 55 and older cohort of entrepreneurs is growing faster and doing better. Why? Could be life/work experience, some cash from a downsizing, mortgage paid off, kids launched, and an idea that has been incubating for a while. Too Young to Retire: 101 Ways to Start the Rest of Your Life (Plume 2004) is packed with business ideas, from antique restorer to wedding planner. If your big idea isn’t listed here, feel free to drop me a line and tell me about it: marika@2young2retire.com.

Obviously launching a business at any age is a huge undertaking and we can only scratch the surface of the subject here. The good news is, there is plenty of information available to anyone with access to a computer and Internet connection. Beside some fire in the belly and cash, what we all need as entrepreneurs is help from experienced business people who can mentor us through the startup process and direct us to the people and resources that help us grow.

Small Business Resources

As of this writing, Service Corps of Retired Executives (SCORE) is about to launch a newly designed website that will make it even easier to connect with experienced mentors — 13,00 of them — on line and in a new series of workshops on starting, managing and growing your business. A click will take you to an archive of business columnists SCORE has been around since 1964 offering free and confidential business advice that has helped millions of aspiring entrepreneurs.

Wall Street Journal Small Business is another excellent source of ideas and expert opinion.  The Small Business Guide covers everything from starting a business to selling it.

Another source of good general information for free is the Small Business Administration.   See also the Virtual Business Plan from Bizplanit.

Business Insurance is a handy guide to some basics including legal, marketing and personnel resources with live links to speed you there.

The independent entrepreneurs check out Working Solo (www.workingsolo.com), the terrific site started by Terri Lonier (lone-yay) on the joys of being “boss-free.”  Ilise Benun’s Marketing Mentor is also dedicated to the soloist or small partnership. Get a free consultation, daily newsletter and preview of her books.

You can find lots of help by seeking out trade associations connected with the business you’re considering.  Trade associations can fast-track you right into the action, helping you connect with the people in the know, and perhaps even some financing sources.  When Paul and Sands Belizzi wanted to ranch alpacas in Northern California, they got started in just this way: Alpaca Owners and Breeders Association (U.S.), 800-213-9522.

As the name suggests, the National Business Incubation Association “provides entrepreneurs with the expertise, networks and tools they need to make their ventures successful.”

The U.K. has a model for what is possible when you have a champion.  In this case, the champion is Charles, Prince of Wales, and his organization is Prime-Cymru (Welsh for Wales), www.prime-cymru.co.uk, dedicated to help would-be entrepreneurs 50 and older get a start.  Of the 600 start-ups Prime-Cymru has helped launch, only 6 have failed.

Inn Keeping

Thinking about owning/operating a B&B (who hasn’t)? You might want to contact theProfessional Association of Innkeepers International for some on the ground information.  Try out innkeeping for a season or a year.  Or check out house sitting via THE CARETAKER GAZETTE, (715-426-5500) published by Gary and Thea Dunn.

Owning/Operating A Family Business

If you do go into business for yourself, chances are you’ll find yourself (at least in early stages) working with your spouse or another family member.  A caveat: these partnerships are easier to get into than to get out of, so make sure you know how to end gracefully (and save the relationship itself).

The Center for Family Business has courses and more information on this topic.  203-932-7421.  Another resource: The Family Firm Institute, Inc.

And, don’t overlook your local Chamber of Commerce.  Knowing who’s who in business in your community can be a great way to test the waters.

Books/Magazines

There are literally hundreds of books on becoming a successful entrepreneur.  One of our favorites remains Paul Hawken’s Growing a Business (Fireside, 1998).  The co-founder of Smith and Hawken, he now leads The Natural Step, an organization committed to sustainable business practices.

Inc. Magazine remains a reliable source of information for the entrepreneur, whether you are just starting out or growing your business. We loved the recent coverage on balancing business with life featuring Pete and Laura Wakeman of Great Harvest Bakery. Search the Inc. site for this.

Also useful is Entrepreneur magazine, which also features a wealth of small business how to’s.

Jeff Berner’s The Joy of Working From Home: Making a Life While Making a Living (Berrett- Koehler Publishers, Inc. 1994) is a classic of its kind, packed with great ideas for you entrepreneurs and independent contractors.

AD(H)D World

As grandparents and elders, we should be troubled by the startling rise in developmental disorders among children today.  Autism and ADHD have become commonplace — one in every 110 children for autism; nearly one in 10 children in the United States aged 4 to 17 years for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) — and so are kids on meds and in special education.  Some experts point to better diagnostics for learning disorders (LD) in general, but I’ve wondered what role our speedy, information-saturated culture plays.  What might be the effect of  food additives, dyes, artificial sweeteners, or just too much sugar in everything we eat?

Yesterday, I had two experiences — a film called Bag It! and an NPR program (Our Toxic Love Hate Relationship with Plastics) — that make a strong case that the epidemic of learning disorders we are seeing in our young is due to exposure to chemicals, in utero and in infancy.  The chemicals in plastics, that is, specifically phthalates or plasticizers, ubiquitous in toys, food packaging, hoses, raincoats, shower curtains, vinyl flooring, wall coverings, lubricants, adhesives, detergents, nail polish, hair spray and shampoo, baby care products and, until recently, baby bottles.

We are from birth to death, literally saturated in plastics: see Five Gyres, if you still believe that when our plastic bagged garbage is picked up from our curb or dumpster, it goes ‘away.’ As one interviewee in the film said, There is no away.

As grandparents, we need to be concerned, very concerned, and we need to decide what we personally are going to do about it.  You might start by watching Bag It! , now part of the Whole Food Film Festival, Do Something Reel, showing this month in celebration of Earth Day, April 22, nationwide.

In another lifetime, I helped promote plastics professionally. You could say this is by way of a small mea culpa.

Re-Housing Our(elder)selves

About 15 years ago, we went in search of a new home, and a new type of home.  Somehow the concept of  co-housing had floated into our head space. We were attracted to the idea of  ‘building a better society, one neighborhood at a time,’ to quote the current official cohousing slogan.  This was pre-grandchildren and the appeal of sharing a planned community with people of all ages, including small children, seemed vastly more appealing than the 55+ adult gated communities then being marketed.  So we signed up for a co-housing conference in Maryland where a new community was forming, and the following year we toured four communities, Cantine’s Island, in Saugerties, NY, award-winning  Windsong in Langley, BC, Quayside Village in North Vancouver, and Trillium Hollow in Portland, OR (a city where some of our family already lived).  Of these, only Windsong was completed and occupied at the time.  We attended open houses at all of these, and spent a night at Windsong.  We even joined two of them at the minimal membership level. People were friendly and welcoming, some were close to messianic about their chosen form of living.  Forming a co-housing community is a long and challenging process and a few ‘burning souls’ are essential to sustain the effort.

We supported the living lightly on the planet philosophy of co-housing communities of which EcoVillage in Ithaca, NY, is perhaps the best known example.  We liked the self-governance ideals, the espousal of diversity.  We were attracted to the idea of a neighborhood planned to maximize contact among the residents, a kind of  y’all come, potluck ethos very different from most suburbs, including where we live now in South Florida.

The closest we’ve come to that kind of community sensibility was our eight years in Hoboken, NJ, where everything one needed was within walking distance.   If street life didn’t bring you into contact with a neighbor or two and the possibility of a social event, stoop life — hanging out on a balmy evening on your own front steps — certainly did.  It was a small town in every sense of the word, with Manhattan right across the Hudson River.

For us, the downside of co-housing was governance by consensus.  At one of the just-forming communities we toured, I sat next to one of the members in a meeting.  An open house usually includes a pot luck and an invitation to whatever is happening so visitors can get a sense of community process.  This meeting was about landscaping and it went on and on and on, and finally broke up with no decision.  The woman looked at me very kindly and said, “If you’re serious, get used to it.”  I gather that some communities have modified this form of governance.

Today, as co-housing has evolved and grown (there are communities in 37 states and several Canadian provinces), there is more variation in community aspirations including the introduction of the concept of co-housing for elders (a word I prefer) developed by architect and co-housing in America champion, Chuck Durrett.  I’ve heard Chuck speak at an American Society on Aging session and his arguments (read here) for elders living in a community are starting to make a lot of sense to me…again.  I guess you could say it’s deja vu all over again, but with a sense of urgency that I could not have experienced in a pre-grandchilden, pre-Inconvenient Truth, Union of Concerned Scientists report world.

More reading:

Senior Cohousing: A Community Approach to Independent Living, Charles Durrett

See also: Dr. Bill Thomas’s The Greenhouse Project

Reading Jabberwocky to the Blind

“Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.”  The Dalai Lama.

What I’ve been wanting lately is to teach more yoga classes.   For a variety of reasons, this isn’t happening, but having some extra time on my hands has given me the space to think about other passions, e.g. the reading of poetry out loud.  I have been reading poems at the conclusion of my classes since I began teaching yoga in 1998, and I know some of the poems I’ve chosen, e.g. Mary Oliver’s The Journey, resonate with students so much, I get requests for copies.  I write poetry, too, almost as much today as I did when I took Larry Raab’s poetry workshop at the Breadloaf School of English in Vermont.   Writing poetry is a private affair.  Reading poetry — mine or others — out loud is an act of communion.

Last week, a new door opened and I walked through it with no idea where it may lead.   A friend and fellow yogi who teaches a pro bono class to blind students was casting around for something new to offer them.  I found myself agreeing to read poetry to them the following week on a see-how-it-goes basis.

The class ranges in age from mid-twenties to 60-something, two men, five women.  Two are suffering from macular degeneration and are partially sighted.  All of them seemed eager to experience something and someone new.   After the introductions — I walked around where they were seated and clasped their hands as we exchanged names — I asked them about first poems.  The older among them all recalled having to memorize and recite in class.  They thought it made children dread poetry.  The younger immediately spoke about having Dr. Seuss read to them as children.  A happier memory.

They were eager for me to begin reading so I started off with some light verse from Dr. Seuss:  Do you like green eggs and ham?  I started.  I do not like them, Sam-I-am,  they chorused back.  Wow!  Next, Edward Lear’s The Owl and the Pussy Cat, followed by Jabberwocky (smiles).  Some e e cummings, Robert Frost’s The Road Not Taken (a sigh or two).  Billy Collins’ Dharma — ‘Oh, yes!’  ‘My dog is named that.’  We talked a little about how poems make us feel. ‘Funny inside.’  ‘Emotional.’  ‘Light.’  Next, Walt Whitman’s I Hear America Singing, then A Pot of Red Lentils by Peter Pereira (Please read that again! )  Â Finally, Pablo Neruda’s Ode to My Socks.  ‘Mmm-hmm!’  Applause.

Our class was almost over.  I asked: How would you like to write a poem next time?   (Next time?)  Richard already writes poetry, a woman sitting next to him said.  A brief pause, for Richard to collect himself.  Then, he launched into a recitation of two originals, topped with a third, composed in the moment.   Not just good.  ‘Twas brillig.

The Poetry Foundation

The Writers Almanac Comes to your inbox daily.  Garrison Keillor’s reading of the featured poem is a great way to start the day.

The Poem Hunter

Helping Japan

The first thing many of us want to do after we absorb the news of a catastrophe like the tsunami in Japan and its aftermath, is reach for our checkbooks.  Money is important, of course, but where and when and whom it best serves need careful consideration.  For instance, after Cyclone Nargis devastated Burma, the country of my birth, I discovered that the most effective relief agency was The Merlin Group because they already had staff on the ground, familiar with the population and local conditions.  For the same reasons  I gave to Partners in Health after the Haiti earthquake.  This time, I also decided to wait until it was clearer where a relief donation could do the most good.  Apparently, I’m not alone in this: http://blog.givewell.org/2011/03/11/japan-earthquaketsunami-disaster-relief-donations/ Once again, the key is to target dollars to local groups.  http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2011/03/15/what-aid-makes-sense-for-japan/work-with-local-groups-in-japan

Check out what your community or congregational response is, and join it if it meets your criteria.   Here’s a list of agencies vetted by InterAction: http://www.interaction.org/crisis-list/interaction-members-support-japan-earthquake-response A useful article: http://www.interaction.org/how-help

‘Tis the Day After Christmas…

and through our abode,

there lingers a fragrance of cinnamon and cloves.

No stockings were hung here —

the children all grown,

gone to in-laws and ski slopes

with children of their own.

We’re done with the shopping

and decorating trees,

over the holiday stress

that once brought us to our knees.

But one habit remains

though many have flown,

the baking of bread

with the warm taste of home.

So bring on the butter, brew a fresh pot of tea,

’tis the Day After Christmas for you and for me.

One of my favorite memories of this year was a short period of teaching creative writing to elders at a retirement community.  The day I got the assignment, I also found a copy of Judith Viorst‘s wonderful Unexpectedly Eighty: And Other Adaptations at the library.  So I brought it in with me to a session and read the last poem in the collection: After Giving the Matter A Great Deal of Thought. Then, I asked the participants to write that line on the top of a piece of paper and continue on for about ten minutes.  We had such a good time with this exercise, no one wanted the session to end, and I have all kinds of new ideas about doing more of this work.  Creativity bubbles up wherever it can.  You just have to give it space and make it welcome.  Try this exercise for yourself.  It’s a great year-ender.

Here’s a post-Christmas gift for you lovers of poetry who have yet to subscribe to Garrison Keillor’s The Writer’s Almanac:  click here.   I couldn’t live without this daily reminder that, as William Carlos Williams puts it: “It is difficult to get the news from poems, yet men die miserably every day for lack of what is found there.”