Monthly Archives: April 2007

Leaving Life to Chance? Don’t!

In her New York Times article, Training to be Old, Claudia Deutsch interviews experts on the subject of how well, or badly, many of us are preparing for a span of years roughly equivalent to those spent building family and career. Here’s a comment that is worth your attention: “With the first wave of baby boomers already in their 60s, gerontologists are bracing for a tsunami of disgruntled postretirees who have left the psychic and physical aspects of aging to chance.”

If this describes you, don’t panic. Help with transition is available, although given the numbers — 78 million baby boomers alone — we have a long way to go to meet the need. Programs are beginning to turn up at local JCCs, YM/Ws and other social services groups. Look for a Next Chapter group or Transition Network (for women 50+) in your area. A lot of authors are jumping on the later life advice bandwagon. That’s not a bad place to start your inquiry.

You can expect financial planners to continue to focus on what they are trained to do — help you to manage your tangible assets so they will last as long as you do. But many have begun to adopt and train for a more comprehensive approach, perhaps because clients are demanding it. In our neck of the woods, 2young2retire has already certified one financial planner to facilitate the 2young2retire course and another is currently enrolled in the training. Facilitator Training is open only to people who have professional credentials, e.g. life/career/transition coaches, career counselors, social workers.

The 2young2retire course itself is a good model for what is possible. It asks a six (or eight) week commitment from participants to inquire into the important issues we’ll all face in a longer life span: staying healthy, smarter money management, ‘encore’ careers, entrepreneurial opportunities, community service, and intelligent travel. You reflect, you explore, you plan, you write down your plans. Good things happen.

Hungry for a ‘purpose-driven job’ in the second half of life? The MetLife Foundation/Civic Ventures Community College Encore Career Grants of $25,000 are designed to encourage community colleges to develop programs that help boomers transition into encore careers in healthcare, education and the social services where the jobs are many and qualified people few. Do good. Do well.

RETIRED, retired

Have you seen this new usage, doubling the word ‘retired’ meaning you really have quit working altogether? It just goes to show you how much things have changed on this subject. Nine years ago, when we launched 2young2retire.com, retired still meant exactly what it meant in 1935 when retirement became official: you were finished, done. Your working life was over. And most people were pretty happy about that.

Today, to be “retired, retired” (see CNN/MoneyThe Non-Retirement Retirement) is something of an anomaly. Credit (or blame) goes to the baby boomers, the generation that will finally put an end to the idea that people have an expiration date, like packaged food.

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose/By any other word would smell as sweet.”

Retire, retirement, retiree. We seem to be stuck with these words, despite the qualifiers, at least until we come up with a better way to describe how we are really living (and working, and giving) in our later years, and who we have become: wiser, more thoughtful, patient, kinder, more generous. Someone once suggested to us that perhaps we grow not older, but deeper. We like that. Words are powerful, so choose wisely. It’s your call.

The Big Squeeze

If you belong to the Big Chill generation, welcome to the Big Squeeze.

A parent has become elderly and dependent on you. Whether physically, financially or emotionally, it all adds up to the same: you have switched roles. At the same time, your spouse, partner or child becomes needy — surgery, illness, layoff, or other life-altering event.

There you are, in a role few would choose willingly: squeezed between competing needs, pulled between the desire to do the right thing for those you love, and the need to take care of yourself so you can do the right thing.

Even if you have caring family and friends — and be grateful if you do — it can be a difficult period to get through. Some days are a blur of doing. On a good day, you feel like Chris Bliss, the amazing comedian who keeps three balls moving in time to the Beatles’ Golden Slumbers. Sometimes, it feel like a three ring circus, especially if you are working — even part-time — or have other obligations (who doesn’t?) You may feel happy to be ‘the strong one.’ You may feel satisfied, proud, almost heroic. But mostly, at the end of the day, you’re depleted. Send in the clowns, please!

A few things you could try to take care of the default caregiver you’ve become.

  • Humor. As Norman Cousins famously discovered, laughter is great medicine. “A good way to jog internally,” he called it.
  • Sit down for every meal.
  • Take a nap even if you are not a naturally napper.
  • Take deep breaths when you start to feel impatient or irritated and ask the person for whom you are providing care, to do the same.
  • Load up your Ipod or CD player with the music you really love and listen to it a lot.
  • Get exercise, preferably in the fresh air. Start an exercise program if you’ve been putting it off.
  • Keep the door open to all offers of help in whatever form they come.
  • Get a massage, manicure, facial. Whatever makes you feel cared for.
  • Keep visualizing the people you are caring for as the babies they once were.